I don't remember a time in my adult life where I observed prayers at the prescribed times on two consecutive days let alone three. That is a stark admission to make, especially when one considers that it's one of the five pillars.
I have no excuse but my own deficiencies of character. A big part of Ramadan is to look inwards, this is a part of me that I accept. It's not a pretty part, it's the truth...sometimes the truth doesn't make for comfortable acknowledgment.
I've been a muslim in name only. Like many out there. I've been on the periphery of this faith, but not completely within it, or protected by it, or enjoyed the fruits it has to offer. What has it to offer? It's wisdom, is its bounty, it's undeniable truth is its bounty, it's sincerity is its bounty, it's clarity is its bounty, it's purity is its bounty.
Praying five times isn't that difficult when you get to know how. I never took the time to make an effort. I have lived in denial.
Being muslim is not hard work, it's not like so many people before me have thought. It's not so strict in its observance principles to make life difficult. It's regulating my life, it's provides a framework upon which you can build a life.
I had a dream, this is strange...
I was in a bar with some work colleagues, it's Friday and its Christmas, our table is over in the corner of the bar, where some of our group are sat, another part of the group are outside, I'm buying a drink for the group and periodic moments another colleague walks upto the bar and so I buy them a drink. These are all alcoholic drinks. Anyway, the dream moves onto to my being dropped of home by two female colleagues, we have a disagreement about work, we are all equals, I was displeased with their work ethic, as I left the car is proven my work of the week had been more productive, insults towards me ensued, they promptly left. I looked up and my neighbour was there looking and he smiled, I heard a crash, I ran out of our square into the next road and I saw their car had mounted the curb and driven along the wall which is 2ft high with a metal fence on top to where a 5ft brick bollard had brought this car to a halt.
I ran to the car, I tried to look in, I smashed the window. Not only was it my colleagues but two toddlers too. The car was beginning to catch fire, I managed to free the first child, and was in the process of freeing the second, when I decided to wake up.
I've no idea what it means but it could be anything and nothing. I think it is an analogy of my life...I was heading for a car wreck of a life with one or two women, with whom i had fathered children. Result of which would've been hellfire. But that's my interpretation, that's what it feels like to me.
Then again it's my subconscious just warning me, to be mindful. I've always wanted kids, but only within marraige, I don't want kids outside of marraige or non muslim children. A big reason for me wanting to do this is so I can begin that process. Find a partner, settle down and start a family.
I also watched this video before I went to sleep:
This night have something to do with it...
Ayah of the day:
So (O Muslim combatants!) when you have finished your prayers, remember Allah (in all postures) standing, sitting and (lying down) on your sides. And when (free of fear) you feel secure, observe prayers (as prescribed). Verily, prayer is obligatory for all the Muslims in accordance with the fixed timings.
Al-Quran, An-Nisa (4:103).
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