First time I've stepped out since beginning to attend to matters that need to be addressed. I've had to use public transport and walk the streets to get to where I need to go.
Well, the sun is out, people are cheerier than usual, women are as usual, dressed to suit their tastes and the weather. You know what I'm getting at... Having to consciously avert ones eyes makes for a difficult proposition when you're surrounded by it. It's not like you can keep your eyes firmly fixed to the ground. You have to look at where your going.
In normal circumstances I wouldn't take a second glance, well, that's an exaggeration, there have been occasions. I can't lie I'm a man and I'm fasting.
Just to get around town on days like this is not so easy to achieve. I have been focussing on things good and pious, but it's a huge difference to when one is not practising...
It's not as though I'm running around chasing skirt like a dog that chases anything that moves but, it's a test of restraint of ones glance, being aware that a casual glance, or a look in the eye from a woman, a smile, could be an invitation to proceed further.
These are circumstances that when not fasting one can take in ones stride. It's not easy but I am getting used to it.
Whilst walking I didn't feel weak, but strong. My muscle definition is improving, but 4 hours of praying has helped with that. Also my stress levels have fallen off the cliff, I've been so stressed with stuff in the run up to Ramadan it has really been the most dominating aspect of my whole life. Now it's like, oh come on, you've moved on from there now. My ego was a tad bruised because I felt hard done by, now, it doesn't matter. I don't mind, so it don't matter!
There is an improvement in my self belief, it's 1630, the last time I ate was Iftar last night, I'm not foaming at the mouth, I'm not shaking with hunger, I'm absolutely fine. This morning I was concerned if I would be able to make it or not. I'm over two thirds of the way through this and I'm dealing with it.
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